Christmas doesn't need to be a Stress Fest

Let me put my cards on the table (next to a chai latte and a bit of baking goodness): I blooming love Christmas!

This isn't because every Christmas I've ever had has been idyllic.  Far from it.  10 years ago, my brother passed away suddenly right before Christmas day.  Then we had that incredibly difficult lockdown Christmas.  I also magnanimously invite the co-parent ex over for Christmas each year, and that is often far from plain sailing.  So no, it’s not all been completely perfect and there’s been an awful lot of difficult life stuff around this time.

But I’ve chosen to not let that affect my relationship with the cosy, connected, indulgent loveliness of this time of year.  

I was working with a client recently who was talking about mentally beating herself up each year for not achieving more over the Christmas break.  They work incredibly hard and also have a family, so this year she’s recognising that they need a break.  This year, instead of taking that break and feeling all sorts of guilt and shame around it, we worked on reframing it so their planned hibernation is intentional.  It’s their goal in December to properly hibernate.  It was a joy to explore what that would look like and how to prepare properly for them to really ace it.

I love it when a goal has such wonderful self-care and nurturing ingredients!

When reflecting on that session, it lead me to thinking about how we go about reframing and how both our internal mindset and external events can help shape how we want to see the world.

Despite it’s awfulness, the Christmas of 2020 did a lot to shake off that pressure I previously felt for everything to be perfect.  Created and perpetuated by rich people, designed to make us spend more money, that message that we must have the perfect table, perfect food, exquisitely wrapped perfect gifts is so unhealthy.  I love to make an effort, but the messaging around totally nailing it all often left me completely exhausted.  When COVID took away nearly all of the opportunities to get back on that perfection horse, I decided that perhaps I need never get back on it again.

And that decision has stuck.  This year I still went a bit mad and bought a real Christmas tree that’s too big for the space, because I totally and utterly love it.  It’s in the open-plan area where I work, where we gather as a family to eat and where I’m often found just hanging out and it just looks lovely.  I’m not having people over this year, so the tree isn’t for show… it’s just for us and that’s bliss.

My 11yo did an amazing job of putting up our old fake tree in the lounge.  Gone are the days of the unbelievable tension between Christmas perfection and allowing a small child to decorate the tree, all the while I’d be menacingly muttering under my breath, “it’s lights, tinsel THEN baubles”.  My christmas-loving 11yo has amazing seasonal style and it was so refreshing to just let him do it.

He also did a beautiful thing at the end of November when he realised I didn’t have an advent calendar.  He set himself up at my desk and for two hours on a rainy sunday evening, made me a calendar out of card and little handwritten messages.  It’s gorgeous (you’ll find it in my highlights on Instagram if you want to see).

These stories highlight some reframing that I’ve done already.  I don’t need my christmas decs to look a certain way.  I’m not doing it to impress anyone else, in fact, I’m so laidback about it all, I didn’t feel it right to host one of my christmas parties which, pre-pandemic, were a highlight of the year.  I’m much more into hanging out with just a few friends than loads these days.  We can have deeper conversations and, let’s face it, it’s a lot less work!

When I’m working with a client on reframing a situation or thought process that is no longer serving them well, I often use the analogy that there are many ways to peel an orange (or satsuma, if we’re sticking with the Christmas theme).  If our intention is to get to the centre of the orange we could peel it with our fingers starting in loads of different places, we could cut with a knife, we could stomp on it wearing wellies… and so on.  The same works with that particular situation or thought process.

I could choose Christmas as being a terrible time of year as it’s connected to so many bad things happening in my life.

I could choose to make Christmas the only time of the year when perfectionism overwhelms me and eats me up inside.

I could choose to see it as cold, dark and, unlike in all the movies, it’s not snowing but always raining.

I could.

But I don’t want that.

It’s such a powerful time for reflection.  For connecting with people you love.  For over-indulging in gorgeous food and drink.  It’s a time for curling up under your softest blanket, wearing your favourite pyjamas and reading a brilliant book.  It is the ultimate hygge time of year.  And I seriously love all things hygge.

Every cooking magazine or newspaper around this time will be full of Christmas Dinner hacks, tips, how-to-get-ahead plans.  You know how I know frame it?  It's just a roast dinner.  Easier to cook than most things.  Sure, I'm not cooking for 20 and that might be a different matter, but I'm rebelling against all those articles hell-bent on telling me that it's a stressful thing to pull off.  I'm just going to cook a cracking roast, and will enjoy doing it!

I delight in Christmas and in Hogmanay, but I also love the bit in between which I call Twixtmas.  It’s a glorious limbo time when most people aren’t working so the emails aren’t arriving (which I would certainly fail to avoid looking at), and we have some days to get ready for the year ahead.

I’ve a strong feeling that 2023 is going to be really tough in general. But I’m not fearful it’ll be particularly tough on me.  I’m prepared.  We’ve all become experts in uncertainty and whatever 2023 throws at us, we’ve lots of practice in going with the flow and reframing things to how we want them!  Twixtmas will be a perfect time for that prep.  As will my new Creative Planning sessions which will kick off in the new year.

I hope my stories here might have created some nuggets of wisdom in your mind about how you choose to frame this time of year.  As always, if you have any thoughts or questions, you know where I am… although I might not be answering emails until January ;)