5 ways I’ve found to cope with alopecia (and a bit of an update)

For those lovely folk who are regular readers of the blog, you’ll know that I’ve shared a few times about my alopecia and living as a bald woman.  I realise I haven’t done an update in ages, so it’s definitely time.

I wanted to say a specific hello to those of you who are reading this because you were googling hair loss/alopecia/living as a bald woman/or something like that.  You are equally welcome here and I hope the following might be useful to you.

Everyone who experiences hair loss has their own story to tell and will respond in their own way.  However, it is so important to know you are not alone.

Here are 5 ways I’ve found to cope with alopecia:

1. It is not your fault.  This one is so important, I’m going to say it again.  It Is Not Your Fault.  Whilst alopecia areata is sometimes associated with stress, it isn’t always.  You have not caused your hair to fall out.  There really is no rhyme or reason to it.  Could things improve with a better diet, moving more and getting a good night’s sleep?  Of course! Those things will improve your life for sure.  Will they help your hair grow back?  Possibly.   But not for me.  I tried everything and still the hair fell.  I spent years feeling guilt and shame that somehow my lifestyle, my mindset, my mental health or whatever was the cause and that if I’d made different life choices, I’d still have hair.  I don’t feel like that now and I fundamentally know, deep down, this is not my fault.  Which leads me on to…
2. Acceptance.  I think this is the most important tool in my toolbox.  Finding a way to accept that my hair has fallen out (then grows back a tiny bit, then falls out again) is a powerful thing.  Fighting against it and constantly trying to seek remedies was exhausting and not healthy for me.  Accepting it is the way it is and cracking on with life has been so much easier!
3. Lemonading.  I love this term.  I’ve written a whole blog about it here.  In short, it is the art of trying to find playfulness and lightness in a difficult situation.  I appreciate some of us are naturally more optimistic than others, but everyone is capable of a bit of lemonading with the right focus and commitment to it.  And by doing so, our neural pathways get rewired making it easier and easier to think more positively about things.
4. Taking the playful spirit into this one… Take the time and prioritise finding what’s right for you - scarves, hats, wigs, a mix, whatever.  There’s so much fun to be had in trying out different styles and looks.  Finding what you like, what feels comfortable and what suits your needs is key.  Iit can feel a bit self indulgent to spend so much time on yourself, but if you’ve had a change in look (like suddenly becoming bald) then spark up your inner stylist and start exploring and playing!
5. Hang out with other beautiful bald people whenever possible.  This one is trickier to achieve but I do this day-to-day through following some truly inspiring people on social media and popping up occasionally in Alopecia UK’s facebook support group.  Although this week, I’m doing a bit more than that…

September is Alopecia Awareness month and this Friday I’m off on the train to Birmingham to volunteer at Alopecia UK’s Big Weekend.  There will be over 250 people who have alopecia, are a supporter of someone with alopecia or are involved in research around the condition, gathering together to share, connect and generally feel amazed and honoured to be in the presence of so many beautiful baldy bonces!

I’m chuffed to be able to give something back - I’ve created an origami-fortune-teller-ice-breaker-machine which everyone will get in their goodie bags and I’ll be on hand to encourage loads of chit chat and origami folding on the Friday night and then on Saturday I’ll be up in the Wellbeing floor, with a little self-care-mini-zine stand where people can come along and take 10mins out to think about self care and how they might like to look after themselves a little better next week.  If you want to find out how it goes, I’ll be posting on instagram, so find me there.

As for a more general baldy update, the colder weather recently has made me return to my trusty hats.  I’ve become such a hat connoisseur - I’m so fussy about what sort of beanie works and what doesn’t!  More broadly, I’ve had a very interesting year of it with my eyebrows.  As a quick aside, my eyelashes which partially fell out last autumn have grown back.  Huzzah!  Thank you mother nature on that one.  But what she gives with one hand she takes with another.  Earlier in the year I lost a single eyebrow.  Just the one.  How utterly ridiculous!

So I went to see an eyebrow specialist with the virtually impossible brief to microblade a single eyebrow, making it look as close to my natural eyebrow as possible.  I did think I’d be back when the other one fell out, but a year down the line and my left eyebrow is still holding firm.  The microblading task was even more complicated when I rejected the tattoo ink.  I’ve now had it done three times and it is still fairly pale.  I’ve heard that some alopecians have a bit of a super power in rejecting tattoo ink.  Who knew?!  Well it seems I’m quite good at it.

The right eyebrow has now regrown some blonde/white hair so at some point, when I can be bothered, I’ll maybe tint those hairs, but right now I’m grateful my dark glasses frames cover up the mismatching eyebrows fairly well and if you look at me, from a distance with a slight squint you’d never notice!  If you’re curious about the various stages of my right eyebrow in 2025, there’s a reel on instagram for ya!

Apart from the eyebrow and the constant search for the perfect beanie, things are pretty good.  I’ve talked about this before, but it’s worth repeating: at the age of 47 my baldness makes me memorable at a point in life where women start becoming invisible.   I don’t love that this happens to womenkind, but I do appreciate the memorability.  People are also kinder to me (perhaps because they think I’ve got cancer), but I have definitely noticed a more welcoming, open demeanour in people in general now I have a visible difference.  So with a large dollop of acceptance and a flask of lemonade in hand, I’ll just crack on with life, yeah?